Pay raise or pay day loan? The President said recently there was a 10% military pay raise. However, not all soldiers got it. If they did why get another payday loan? This is not a funny joke in the military and for those that pay high interest on the loan no humor in it. Sadly, I knew too many soldiers in the Army that needed the loans just to make ends meet.

“Payday lenders are some of the most notorious financial predators in the U.S., and make their money by advancing people money against their paychecks. Sometimes the interest rate is 900 percent or higher! Even the mafia didn’t charge rates like that!” – Dr. Knowitall

Pay raise or pay day loan?

The Heroic Payday Lender: A Modern-Day Savior! (sarcasm)

Meet Greg. Greg is your average guy—works hard, pays his bills, and occasionally wonders if that liberal arts degree was really worth it. But one fateful day, Greg finds himself in a bit of a bind. He’s short on cash before payday, and to make matters worse, his car decides to throw a tantrum, leaving him stranded and contemplating a life of biking to work in 90-degree heat.

Enter Payday Lenny, the hero of our story. Or at least that’s how he introduces himself to Greg, like some kind of financial knight in shining armor. Payday Lenny’s office is strategically located next to a liquor store and a laundromat—prime real estate for desperate people who make questionable life choices. Lenny greets Greg with a smile so wide it would make a used car salesman envious.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my next satisfied customer,” Lenny says, ushering Greg into the world of payday loans with the enthusiasm of someone selling beachfront property in the Sahara.

“I just need a couple hundred to get me through until payday,” Greg explains, feeling mildly embarrassed to even be here. “You know, just enough for a repair.”

“Say no more, my friend!” Lenny beams. “We’ve got just the thing for people like you! You see, we at Payday Paradise believe in one thing: helping people. No need to thank me. It’s what we do.”

Greg’s eyes narrow with suspicion. Lenny’s ‘paradise’ looks more like a DMV from 1983, complete with flickering fluorescent lights and a stack of well-thumbed loan agreements. “So, how does this work?”

“Well, my dear Greg,” Lenny says, rubbing his hands together like he’s about to reveal the secret formula to Coca-Cola, “I’ll give you $200 today, and all you have to do is pay me back on payday. Simple, right? Just a tiny little fee. I mean, you won’t even notice it. It’s like a tip at a restaurant, but for money!”

Greg raises an eyebrow. “A fee? How much?”

“Oh, nothing much,” Lenny says with a nonchalant wave of his hand. “Just 15%. That’s only $30. You’ll get it back no problem, right? I mean, it’s practically a steal for what I’m offering. It’s like buying a latte… but with your future.”

Greg hesitates, but Lenny’s enthusiasm is infectious. “$30? Okay, I guess that’s manageable.”

Lenny’s eyes twinkle like a casino slot machine on a lucky streak. “Oh, but Greg, there’s more! If, for any reason—any reason at all—you can’t pay it back by payday, don’t worry! We just roll it over into a brand new loan! It’s like getting a fresh start! You’re basically getting a second chance at life!”

Greg blinks. “Wait, roll it over? What does that mean?”

Lenny leans in closer, lowering his voice as if he’s sharing a secret. “You just pay the interest, and we extend the loan for another couple of weeks. Easy peasy! No hassle! No worries! Just another tiny fee to keep things moving along. You know, like a Netflix subscription but for debt.”

Greg begins to sweat. “So how much interest am I paying if I have to extend it?”

Lenny grins, flipping his calculator around like a magician revealing the Queen of Hearts. “Well, for a tiny extension, you’ll only owe… let’s see here… $45 in interest on top of the $230 total. So if you roll it over, just another tiny fee and we’ll be all set. But don’t think of it as debt, Greg—think of it as a service! You’re buying time! And time is priceless, right?”

Greg gulps, imagining himself buried in endless fees, each one rolling over into the next like a financial avalanche. “But what if I can’t pay that off?”

Lenny slaps Greg on the back, chuckling. “Oh, my friend, you worry too much. We’ve got your back. If things really go south, we’ll just… you know, take a little peek at your paycheck, maybe snag a bit directly from it. No biggie! Just to help you stay on track. Consider it a favor.”

“A favor?” Greg asks, incredulous.

“Absolutely! Payday Lenny doesn’t just give loans—he gives opportunities. I’m not just a lender, Greg, I’m like your financial life coach. But instead of advice, I offer high-interest loans that’ll follow you around like a stray dog!”

At this point, Greg realizes he’s stepped into a trap. Not just any trap, but one of those ridiculous cartoon-style bear traps—except instead of snapping shut on his leg, it’s snapping on his bank account, dragging it into a pit of escalating fees and endless debt.

Lenny continues, still smiling, “So whaddya say, Greg? Are you ready to join the elite club of payday loan clients? You won’t find better rates—at least not outside of the mafia!”

Greg sighs. Maybe walking to work for a few weeks wouldn’t be so bad after all.

The Frontlines

It’s hard to believe, but some of the comics I created during my 20-year military career have actually been published! These funny, and sometimes edgy, reflections are inspired by incredible mentors, great friends, and a deep love for sarcasm. You can check them out on Amazon: Amazon The Frontlines

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