In the Army as a Warrant Officer you get more flight time but less military retirement check compared to Lieutenant Colonels. The difference in total benefits is close to a million dollars over your lifetime. So the question is “Pay now?” with grueling staff work to get the “Pay Later”, or do you enjoy the thrills of being an Army Aviation Warrant Officer and and “Pay later” by becoming a pizza delivery man to cover the post retirement expenses and extra alimony checks you’ll probably be writing (sarcasm).

Fly Now, Pizza Later: The Warrant Officer Dilemma

Warrant Officer Jim “Skids” Murphy loved flying. He loved the feel of the AH-64 Apache’s controls in his hands, the adrenaline rush of taking off, and the thrill of buzzing the treetops at breakneck speeds. What he didn’t love? Watching Lieutenant Colonels make triple his salary while barely touching the cockpit.

One evening, after a long day of flight time, Skids sat at the bar with a few fellow Warrant Officers. His buddy, CW3 Johnson, sipped his beer and sighed, “Man, you ever wonder if we made the right choice? All this flying, but look at those guys…” He pointed to the corner where a group of Lieutenant Colonels were nursing whiskey while discussing spreadsheets and staff meetings. “They’ll retire with fat checks and cushy consulting gigs.”

Skids took a long pull from his beer, leaned back in his chair, and gave it some thought. “Yeah, but they sit in offices all day, typing away like secretaries in flight suits. Do you think they even remember how to start a helicopter, let alone fly one?”

Johnson chuckled. “True, but you ever done the math? Between retirement pay and benefits, those guys are walking away with close to a million more than us. Meanwhile, we’ll be delivering pizzas for gas money and writing alimony checks on the side.”

“Hey, pizza delivery’s not so bad,” Skids said, smirking. “At least it’s thrilling work! You gotta dodge potholes, avoid neighborhood dogs, and hit a 30-minute delivery window. It’s like flying a mission, but with pepperoni.”

Johnson laughed. “Yeah, and you can say goodbye to sir and ma’am and start saying ‘Do you want extra cheese with that?’ Man, I’m going to miss the military perks when I’m dropping off pizzas to those same Lieutenant Colonels.”

“Exactly!” Skids grinned. “We’ll be the only guys in the world who can parallel park a Black Hawk but can’t afford to retire without a side hustle. I’ll probably even fly my drone just to feel the rush of being airborne again while delivering pizzas to all the retired Colonels living their best lives.”

Johnson shook his head. “So what’s it going to be, man? Do we stick with the Warrant Officer route, enjoy the thrills, and ‘Pay Later,’ or should we sell our souls, become Lieutenant Colonels, and deal with the ‘Pay Now’ by suffocating under piles of paperwork?”

Skids paused for a moment, the gears turning in his head. “You know, I think I’d rather live in the now. Fly while I can. Because no amount of retirement money is going to make up for the fact that I didn’t get to live like Maverick every day. And who knows? Maybe my pizza delivery tips will be enough to cover my third wife’s alimony!”

Johnson raised his glass. “To flying now, pizza later, and avoiding paperwork at all costs!”

They clinked their glasses and laughed. After all, in the Army, you either get to fly or you get paid – but you rarely get both.

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