Midget and dwarf tossing jokes in the military is twisted humor and somewhat inappropriate, but relieves the stress for soldiers when deployed overseas. Wham had serious issues when it came to the new Lieutenant and his Napoleon like attitude. For the betterment of the Armed Services Lieutenant Nap would later be promoted through the ranks to a Vice Admiral.

 

“A dwarf is an extremely short adult who is less than 58 inches tall. The word midget is considered derogatory and offensive. Both words describe a short person, but refer to different physical characteristics and genetic conditions.” – Dr. Knowitall

The Rise of Lieutenant “Nap”: A Story of Midget Tossing, Military Humor, and One Very Napoleon-Like Lieutenant

In the rough and tumble world of military deployments, humor is essential. It’s the glue that holds soldiers together when everything else seems to be falling apart. But sometimes, that humor gets… well, let’s just say it gets weird. And twisted. And occasionally involves throwing small things around, which, under normal circumstances, would be considered wildly inappropriate. Enter the tale of Lieutenant Nathan “Nap” Pritchard—who, through a combination of Napoleon-like behavior and questionable luck, became the target of one such unique brand of military humor.

Meet Lieutenant “Nap”

Lieutenant Nathan Pritchard was fresh out of officer training, and he had a serious Napoleon complex. Standing at 5’4″ on a good day and wearing a permanent scowl, Nap had the demeanor of a man who believed that height could be compensated for by excessive confidence and a need for control. If you met him, you’d swear he was auditioning for the role of an over-caffeinated dictator in a high school play. He strutted around base like he was about to conquer Europe—when, in reality, he was just in charge of making sure the supply trucks were on time.

Sergeant Wham (so named because his punches were as powerful as the band Wham! was cheesy) was the opposite. He was laid-back, tall, built like a brick wall, and had seen enough action to know that being too serious was a one-way ticket to losing your sanity. And Wham had serious issues with Lieutenant Nap. It wasn’t just the constant micromanaging or the fact that Nap insisted on being called “Sir” with every sentence—though that was bad enough. It was the way Nap would storm into a room, shouting orders as if he were about to lead a cavalry charge into battle, when in reality, the only enemy was boredom.

So, one fateful afternoon, Wham decided to blow off a little steam—and inadvertently started a tradition that would go down in deployment history.

The “Tossing” Incident

It was a sweltering day in the middle of deployment, and tensions were high. The supply trucks were late, the air conditioning in the barracks had given out (again), and Lieutenant Nap had just spent the last hour lecturing the squad on the importance of folding their socks in regulation-approved fashion. As Nap stalked away, barking one last command for good measure, Wham turned to his buddy, Private Johnson, and muttered, “You ever notice how Nap’s always angry? Like he’s trying to prove something?”

Johnson snorted. “Yeah, like maybe he’s compensating for… you know. His size.”

Wham grinned, a mischievous glint in his eye. “You ever heard of midget tossing?”

Johnson blinked. “You can’t be serious.”

Wham stretched his arms, his grin widening. “I’m not saying we should toss the Lieutenant. I’m just saying, if someone were to get tossed, well…”

The next thing you know, Wham and Johnson had concocted a plan to, shall we say, “relieve some stress.” Their plan? Not to actually toss Lieutenant Nap, of course—that would have led to certain disaster (and probably court-martial). But the idea of staging a little practical joke involving Nap’s height was just too tempting to resist.

The next morning, as Lieutenant Nap stormed into the mess hall, Wham and Johnson sat nearby, casually chatting about a “new base record” that had apparently been set for tossing… well, someone of Nap’s height.

“You hear about it, Johnson? They say someone threw a guy clear over the obstacle course yesterday,” Wham said, loud enough for the entire room to hear.

“No way,” Johnson replied, playing along. “How small was the guy?”

“Oh, about the size of a certain Lieutenant we all know and love,” Wham deadpanned, raising his eyebrows meaningfully.

Nap froze mid-stride, his eyes narrowing to tiny slits. “What did you say, Sergeant?”

“Oh, nothing, sir,” Wham replied innocently. “Just talking about some athletic achievements, sir. Wouldn’t concern you, sir.”

Lieutenant Nap was not amused. “I don’t have time for your juvenile games, Sergeant. Unlike some people, I have responsibilities!”

Wham gave him a mock salute. “Of course, sir. Wouldn’t dream of wasting your time, sir. Not when you’re busy with those socks, sir.”

Nap stormed off, his face redder than a ripe tomato, and the entire mess hall erupted in laughter the moment he was out of earshot.

The Legend Grows

Word of the “Nap Tossing Incident” spread like wildfire. Soldiers began exchanging stories about who could toss Lieutenant Nap the farthest—purely hypothetical, of course. Nap had unknowingly become the subject of every joke, and while the real tossing never actually happened (no one was suicidal enough to try), the jokes sure did.

“Hey, did you hear? The Lieutenant set a new record. Flew 20 feet today,” someone would say in passing.

“Twenty? I heard it was thirty! And he stuck the landing!”

Nap, blissfully unaware of the full scope of the joke, continued to stomp around base, barking orders and inflating his Napoleon-like authority. The more he yelled, the funnier the situation became. And in true military fashion, the soldiers found solace in their twisted humor, turning a tense deployment into something a little more bearable.

From Lieutenant Nap to Vice Admiral

As deployments go, things eventually smoothed out. The trucks arrived, the air conditioning was fixed, and Nap’s obsession with sock folding eventually gave way to more pressing concerns, like actual military strategy. But the legend of “Nap Tossing” lived on, a joke that had become part of the deployment lore.

Years later, long after Wham had retired and Johnson had moved on to other units, they heard the news: Lieutenant Nap had risen through the ranks and had somehow become a Vice Admiral. The guy who couldn’t go five minutes without bossing someone around about sock folding was now in charge of, well, everything.

Wham chuckled when he saw the headline. “Vice Admiral Nap, huh? I bet they’re still tossing him around in the break room.”

Johnson laughed. “Yeah, only now they need a crane.”

As Vice Admiral Pritchard surveyed his new command, no doubt still barking orders and walking with the confidence of a man five feet taller, the soldiers below continued to share the stories. Because in the military, sometimes the smallest things—like a joke about tossing a Lieutenant—can relieve the biggest stress.

And while Nap may have risen to great heights, the legend of the hypothetical “Lieutenant Tossing” will forever remain grounded in military history, a twisted little nugget of humor that helped soldiers get through the grind of deployment one laugh at a time.

The End

The Frontlines

Explore the fantastic range of military-themed shirts, mugs, and posters available at The Frontlines Shop! Don’t miss out on our amazing sales happening right now! And believe it or not, some of the comics I created during my 20 years in the military have actually been published! These humorous and occasionally edgy reflections are inspired by incredible mentors, wonderful friends, and a genuine love for sarcasm. Check them out on Amazon The Frontlines

Popular Products