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Army Humor – Got Coffee?
Specialty coffee sales are increasing by 20% per year and account for nearly 8% of the 18 billion dollar U.S. coffee market. How much coffee do you drink a day? In the Army at least 4 cups a day. In the Navy at least 9 cups a day as long as it is as thick as tar! Yikes the Navy coffee was strong!
A brief fact-based story from Dr. Knowitall on the topic of Got Coffee?
Coffee Quest: A Soldier’s Brew-tiful Adventure
Meet Private Joe, the soldier whose daily mission is as vital as it is caffeinated: getting his hands on that perfect cup of coffee. Here’s how Joe’s quest for java unfolds, complete with facts and a healthy dose of humor.
Fact #1: The Early Bird Gets the Brew
Private Joe knows that the early bird gets the worm—or in his case, the coffee. At 0500 hours, while others are still wrestling with their bedrolls, Joe is already at the mess hall, determined to beat the line. “Morning, sunshine,” he quips to the bleary-eyed cook, who hands him the first steaming cup of the day.
Fact #2: The Universal Language of Caffeine
Coffee is the great equalizer. Whether you’re an officer or enlisted, a steaming mug of joe breaks down all barriers. Joe’s a master at this: he strolls into any room, coffee in hand, and suddenly everyone’s his best friend. “Got enough for the rest of us?” they ask. Joe grins, “Only if you promise not to rank-pull for the last donut.”
Fact #3: Coffee as Currency
In the field, Joe’s learned that coffee is more valuable than gold. Need an extra MRE? Trade a packet of instant coffee. Need a favor from the supply sergeant? A fresh cup of brew will do the trick. Joe’s barter skills are legendary. “What do you mean, a spare blanket costs two cups? That’s highway robbery!”
Fact #4: The Science of the Perfect Brew
Joe takes his coffee seriously, almost like a science experiment. He’s got the ratios down to a fine art: one heaping spoon of grounds per cup of water. He even converted his canteen cup into a makeshift French press using a sock and a lot of ingenuity. “They don’t call it ‘ground’ for nothing,” he jokes, handing a cup to his bewildered buddy.
Fact #5: Coffee and Combat Readiness
Studies show that caffeine improves alertness and performance. Joe is living proof. With his trusty mug in hand, he’s sharper, faster, and more prepared for whatever the day throws at him. “Who needs an energy drink when you’ve got liquid motivation?” he says, taking a sip and squinting into the sunrise.
Conclusion
In the end, Private Joe’s love affair with coffee is more than just a routine; it’s a vital part of his survival strategy. Whether he’s on base or in the field, Joe’s coffee quest is a testament to the power of a good brew to boost morale and bring people together. So here’s to Joe, and to every soldier who knows that a good day starts with a great cup of coffee.
The Frontlines
It is difficult to believe but they published some of the comics I drew during my 20 year military career! These humorous musings may make you laugh or offend others, but are the result of awesome mentors, great buddies and a deep appreciation for sarcastic humor. Check it out here on Amazon The Frontlines
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