Call it biology or just basic human needs, but abstinence on a military deployment can lead some to the breaking point for those in the Navy, Army, Marines or Air Force. Those deployed in the armed forces make numerous sacrifices, some of which are not funny jokes. Sadly, in addition to not getting some, many military families end up in divorce after multiple deployments or restrained marriages. Sometimes being single is best… Below is a story:

Deployment Drama: The Abstinence Chronicles

There’s something about a military deployment that makes the simplest things in life seem like impossible dreams. Take, for instance, what every soldier affectionately calls “human needs.” Call it biology, call it hormones, or call it “why is the nearest person I find attractive 7,000 miles away?”—the fact is, abstinence is not part of the training manual, but it sure feels like a mandatory requirement once you’re deployed.

Take Private Johnson, for example. It was his second deployment, and things were getting… difficult. Not just because of the heat or the endless MREs, but because the last time he’d seen someone even remotely dateable was when he was back stateside, waiting for the plane. That was six months ago.

“Hey, man,” his buddy Ramirez said one evening in the mess tent, “You look like you’ve been out here for years.”

“It’s been two weeks,” Johnson sighed.

But time, as we all know, works differently when you’re deployed. There’s dog years, and then there’s deployment years. And in deployment years, Johnson’s two weeks felt like a decade. Every passing day was another reminder that some human needs just weren’t going to be fulfilled anytime soon.

The days dragged on. Ramirez had started joking about it—mostly to keep from losing his own mind. “So, Johnson, you find a date for the battalion mixer yet? I hear the port-a-potty’s bringing a plus one,” he teased.

“Oh yeah, it’s me, my shadow, and this sandbag. I’m gonna treat ‘em real nice,” Johnson deadpanned.

But humor was how they coped. Because, let’s face it, there was no escaping it. When you’re deployed, your life becomes a weird mix of adrenaline, boredom, and an overwhelming sense that maybe, just maybe, if you see one more camel or tank, you’ll lose your mind.

On some bases, rumors would fly about soldiers sneaking off to “just talk” with people from the neighboring units. The reality? Nothing happened. Even if you wanted something to happen, deployments had a way of making you feel like the least sexy person alive. Covered in sweat, dust, and the faint odor of whatever had been cooking in the chow hall for three days—romance? Not happening.

The problem was that deployment seemed to push people to the edge, but not in the action-movie kind of way. More in the “I will write love letters to my pillow if I have to” way. And for some of the married guys, it was worse. Those poor souls would get love letters from their spouse, reminding them of everything they were missing out on.

“Dude, my wife just sent me a care package with pictures of her in my favorite dress,” Sergeant Miller moaned, as he slumped over in his cot.

“Sounds nice?” Johnson offered, trying to be supportive.

“No, you don’t get it. I have three more months here. Three. More. Months,” Miller said, looking at the ceiling as though he could somehow teleport out of there.

Johnson sympathized. He really did. Because whether you were single, married, or in some weird situationship that you hoped wouldn’t fall apart while you were away, deployment had a way of making everything seem like a cruel joke. It was like the universe was saying, “Oh, you thought you could handle this? Here, try being single for 12 months with absolutely no chance of meeting someone!”

And the worst part? For some of the married folks, the stress and distance would eventually take its toll. The dreaded deployment divorce was all too common. After a few too many tours, some marriages just didn’t make it through the endless miles, long nights, and missed anniversaries.

“So, you think being single is easier?” Ramirez asked one night as they stared up at the stars.

“Honestly? Yeah,” Johnson replied, watching as a shooting star streaked across the sky. “No one waiting on me, no one to disappoint. Plus, if I mess up, I just have to apologize to myself, and I’m pretty forgiving.”

Ramirez chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re right. But at least the married guys get letters and care packages. What do we get?”

Johnson paused, thinking it over. “Well, I get to keep my sanity. I mean, who’s gonna break my heart out here? The sand? Maybe the MRE meatloaf?”

As the deployment dragged on, the troops continued to do what they did best—find humor in the absurd. Whether it was daydreaming about dating apps that worked in war zones or making bets on who would get the next awkward letter from home, they managed to survive, one dusty day at a time.

Because in the end, deployment may take a toll on your body and your mind, but one thing is for sure: it’s a heck of a lot easier when you can laugh about it. Even if it means you’ll still be single when you finally get home.

The End

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