Who can forget that 26 years ago Forrest Gump graced the movie theaters and explained the meaning of chocolate. He was so kind and endearing, but what if he told it like it was? This Navy sailor who has yet to pass a PT test is a bit uncomfortable by a more honest Forrest Gump. Next comic maybe they will meet up with Lieutenant Dan!

Forrest Gump teaches Sailor about Fitness

Forrest Gump was sitting on a bench at the naval base, sipping on a Dr. Pepper and watching the sailors go about their day. Life had slowed down a bit for Forrest after his days of running across the country and getting caught up in every major event of the 20th century. Now, he enjoyed the simple things—like sipping a soda and talking to strangers.

Today, one such stranger caught Forrest’s eye. He was a big fella—big like the Statue of Liberty if she had stopped watching her diet and took up a fondness for fried Twinkies. The sailor was huffing and puffing as he tried to squeeze into his uniform, which looked like it had been custom-tailored by someone with a grudge against seams.

The sailor collapsed onto the bench next to Forrest, the wood creaking in protest. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and gave Forrest a side-eye. “Man, this Navy stuff is harder than it looks,” he said, clearly out of breath from the act of existing.

Forrest gave him a friendly nod. “Well, the Navy is kinda like a box of chocolates. Sometimes, you don’t know what you’re gonna get… but it’s probably better if it ain’t a whole box of chocolates.” He looked the sailor up and down and then, without missing a beat, added, “You might wanna watch your diet a little bit.”

The sailor frowned, glancing down at his belly, which seemed to jiggle in agreement. “Hey now, I just enjoy my food, alright? Ain’t nothing wrong with that.”

“Oh, I like food too,” Forrest said earnestly. “I ate so much shrimp once, Bubba would’ve been proud. But sometimes you gotta be careful. My mama always said, ‘Forrest, life is like a buffet. You gotta know when to stop going back for thirds.’”

The sailor chuckled, but he still looked defensive. “I’m fine! I’m just a big guy. Besides, I’m in the Navy! I can handle it.”

Forrest tilted his head in that innocent, but all-knowing way he had. “Well, I wasn’t always big on exercise either, but one day I started running. And I just kept running. I ran so much, I ran across the whole country. Twice. And let me tell you, you don’t see a lot of overweight people running across the country. Except for that one guy who was carrying snacks in his backpack… but even he lost weight by the time we hit New Mexico.”

The sailor scratched his head, still confused but now slightly intrigued. “Running across the country? That sounds crazy, man. I ain’t got time for that.”

Forrest nodded, taking another sip of his Dr. Pepper. “Oh, I understand. You’re busy, right? Lots of naval stuff. Probably got no time for fitness with all that… sitting and standing around.” He thought for a second, then added, “But you could start small, like taking the long way to the mess hall. Or just… standing up a little faster. Baby steps.”

The sailor let out a deep sigh, his belly rising like a submarine coming up for air. “You’re really saying I should lose some weight?”

Forrest gave him a kind smile. “Well, I’m just sayin’ that if you don’t, one day you might find that your pants fit tighter than a submarine hatch, and not in a good way.” He paused, then added, “Plus, if you ever gotta swim after a sinking ship, you might wanna be able to swim without feeling like you’re carrying a whole box of biscuits with you.”

The sailor stared at Forrest, eyes wide. “A whole box of biscuits, huh?”

Forrest nodded seriously, taking one last sip of his soda. “Yup. I met a fella who tried swimming with a box of biscuits once. Didn’t go so well. Biscuits are real heavy when they’re wet.”

The sailor burst out laughing, his whole body shaking. “Alright, alright, you made your point, Gump. Maybe I could try a little fitness. But no running across the country!”

Forrest smiled. “That’s okay. You don’t have to run far. Just start somewhere, even if it’s just to the end of the ship. Maybe leave the biscuits behind this time.”

As the sailor stood up, his uniform straining just a little less under the weight of his decision to try fitness (and maybe lay off the biscuits), he gave Forrest a nod. “Thanks, Gump. I guess I needed to hear that.”

Forrest just shrugged. “I’m always here to help. But you probably shouldn’t drink too many Dr. Peppers either. My mama said they go straight to your hips.”

The sailor laughed and walked off, leaving Forrest alone on the bench, watching the clouds roll by.

Forrest looked at his empty soda can and smiled. “Mama was right about everything,” he said to no one in particular. “Except Dr. Pepper. You can’t drink just one.”

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