An Army Apache Pilot “Red 01” trash talks “Red 06” while on patrol in Iraq. Problem was Red 01 had a brain fart and was transmitting over the radio for his wingman (and Commander) to hear. Oops!

Apache Pilot Trash Talks His Wingman

It was just another night on patrol in Iraq for “Red 01,” an Army Apache pilot, cruising the skies in his AH-64 like it was a joyride. His wingman, call sign “Red 06,” happened to be the squadron commander, and well, commanders are always a little too serious for Red 01’s taste. Tonight, though, Red 01 was feeling particularly witty, so he decided to liven things up with some good old trash talk.

“I swear, Red 06 flies that Apache like my grandma on a Sunday drive. Is he even awake back there?” Red 01 muttered into his helmet mic. “Bet he couldn’t hit a target if it had neon lights and a ‘Shoot Here’ sign.”

With a smirk, he continued, “And that landing last week? Smooth as a tank falling down a flight of stairs.”

Feeling satisfied with his roast, Red 01 leaned back and waited for his co-pilot to laugh, but instead, there was a long, uncomfortable silence. A really long one.

Suddenly, Red 01’s co-pilot leaned over, eyes wide. “Uh… dude, you realize you’ve been broadcasting on the radio this whole time, right? Red 06 heard everything.”

Red 01’s stomach dropped faster than his Apache on a steep dive. His brain had temporarily taken a leave of absence, and instead of keeping his comments on the internal intercom, he’d been broadcasting to everyone in the flight. And worse, Red 06 was definitely still listening.

Red 01 scrambled to fix the situation. “Uh, disregard last transmission. Just… doing a mic check. Everything’s fine! Totally professional over here.”

The radio crackled to life, and there it was: Red 06’s cold, unmistakable voice. “Red 01, this is Red 06. Nice to know you’re such a fan of my flying. When we land, why don’t you demonstrate how it’s done… on a broomstick.”

Silence. Red 01 couldn’t tell if Red 06 was being serious or if he was in for a world of trouble.

They finished their patrol, Red 01 keeping his mouth shut the rest of the flight, painfully aware that every single word might come back to haunt him. And when they finally landed? Well, Red 01 spent the rest of the night getting real familiar with cleaning the hangar floor.

Lesson learned: never trash talk your commander when your mic’s hot… unless you really like brooms.

The Frontlines

Check out the awesome selection of military-themed shirts, mugs, and posters at The Frontlines Shop—and don’t miss all the great stuff we’ve got on sale right now! Plus, believe it or not, some of the comics I whipped up during my 20-year military career have actually been published! These funny and sometimes edgy reflections are inspired by amazing mentors, great friends, and a deep appreciation for sarcasm. You can find them on Amazon The Frontlines

Popular Products