A Navy Rescue Swimmer Shark Lunch is not the way to start your day. Navy Rescue Swimmers have one of the most physically demanding jobs in the world. When it comes to saving lives, their strength, speed, and endurance decide whether a mission is successful or unsuccessful. However, tall tales can only go so far.

Shark Lunch: A Navy Rescue Swimmer’s Wake-Up Call

Petty Officer Jake “Swimzilla” Murphy was not a man easily rattled. As a Navy Rescue Swimmer, he spent his days jumping out of helicopters into angry oceans, dragging exhausted sailors to safety, and wrestling hypothermic marines into rescue baskets. His job was physically demanding, and on most days, Jake reveled in the adrenaline rush. He was the guy you wanted by your side in a life-or-death situation. But there was one thing Jake couldn’t stand: sharks.

To be fair, most people don’t love sharks, but Jake had a particular aversion to them. It wasn’t that he was scared, of course. After all, Navy Rescue Swimmers weren’t allowed to be scared of anything. He just… preferred to avoid being turned into a “shark lunch,” as he liked to put it.

One crisp morning, Jake was gearing up for what should have been a routine rescue drill. The sun was just peeking over the horizon, and the water below looked relatively calm—perfect conditions for a warm-up jump. The kind of morning that makes you think, Hey, maybe today won’t involve being eaten.

Jake stood on the edge of the helicopter, already regretting his breakfast burrito from earlier. His wetsuit felt a little too tight, and he could hear the familiar hum of the chopper blades as they hovered over the ocean. As he prepared to make his dive, he caught sight of his buddy, Petty Officer First Class “Sharkbait” Simmons, grinning at him from the other side of the chopper.

“Hey, Jake,” Sharkbait called out, his nickname all too fitting. “You ready for your morning swim with the sharks?”

Jake rolled his eyes. “You know, one of these days, I’m gonna toss you in first and let them have you for breakfast.”

Simmons chuckled. “Better keep that ego in check, Swimzilla, or the sharks might think you’re a buffet.”

With a groan, Jake signaled to the pilot that he was ready, and then leaped into the open water below. As soon as he hit the surface, the familiar rush of cold water snapped him into focus. He began swimming toward the training dummy that had been dropped a few hundred feet away, mimicking a rescue situation.

So far, so good.

Cue the Jaws Theme

Just as Jake was halfway to the dummy, something caught his eye. A ripple in the water—something large, too large—moving toward him at an alarming speed. At first, he told himself it was just his imagination. Maybe it was the burrito talking. Maybe Simmons’ shark jokes had wormed their way into his head.

But when he glanced back again, the ripple was closer. And it was definitely not his imagination.

Oh no. No, no, no, Jake thought, his heart rate spiking faster than after a five-mile swim. He couldn’t be sure, but this had all the makings of an encounter with a shark. And not the friendly, “I’m just passing by” kind, but the “hey, you look like lunch” variety.

Jake’s survival instincts kicked in. He did what any rational, highly trained Navy Rescue Swimmer would do when faced with a potential shark attack: he swam faster. Because let’s be honest, the whole “punch it in the nose” strategy sounds a lot better on land than it does when you’re actually in the water with a hungry sea predator.

Rescue, Interrupted

Back in the helicopter, Simmons and the pilot were watching Jake’s progress through binoculars.

“Is it just me,” the pilot asked, “or is Swimzilla swimming like he’s being chased by something?”

Simmons squinted. “Nah, it’s probably just his burrito kicking in. He’ll be fine. Besides, there are no sharks out this morning… right?”

They both looked at each other for a moment, uncertainty creeping in.

Meanwhile, in the water, Jake was making Olympic-level speed toward the dummy, all while keeping one eye on the movement behind him. His mind raced. Was it actually a shark? Or just some overly curious fish? Either way, Jake wasn’t taking any chances.

As he reached the dummy, he heard the unmistakable thrum of the helicopter overhead. Perfect timing.

“Get me out of here!” he shouted, waving frantically at the crew.

The rescue basket lowered slowly, as if the helicopter wasn’t entirely convinced of the urgency of the situation. Jake grabbed the dummy with one hand and the basket with the other, ready to get out of the water as fast as humanly possible.

But, as he was lifted from the water, something bumped against his leg. Something big.

Jake’s eyes widened. “Nope, nope, nope!” he muttered, scrambling into the basket, pulling the dummy in with him. He didn’t care if the dummy got saved or not, but he wasn’t about to leave it behind if the shark decided it was hungry for seconds.

As the basket lifted higher, Jake dared a glance back into the water. His heart was pounding in his chest as he scanned the surface for the menacing shape that had been tailing him.

And then he saw it.

A dolphin.

Of course, he thought, a mixture of relief and embarrassment flooding him. Just a curious, friendly dolphin, swimming alongside him like a well-meaning ocean tour guide.

From above, Simmons’ voice crackled through the radio, barely containing his laughter. “Hey, Swimzilla, did you just get chased by Flipper?”

Jake groaned as the helicopter crew burst into hysterics. “Laugh it up, Sharkbait. Next time, you’re going first.”

Lesson Learned

Back on the helicopter, Jake sulked as Simmons continued to rib him about his “daring escape” from the dolphin. “I thought you were supposed to be Swimzilla,” Simmons teased. “Turns out, you’re more like Swimflop.”

Jake shot him a glare. “You know what? Next time I’ll let the dolphin eat me, just to give you something to talk about.”

Simmons grinned. “Hey, at least we know you’re fast when you’re scared. Maybe we’ll start dropping you in for dolphin rescues instead of people.”

Despite the humiliation, Jake couldn’t help but chuckle. Sure, he’d overreacted, but in the unpredictable world of Navy Rescue Swimmers, you never really knew what was lurking in the water. Whether it was a shark or just a well-meaning dolphin, the moral of the story was clear: always be prepared for the unexpected—even if the unexpected turns out to be an overenthusiastic Flipper.

And for the record, Jake decided to skip the burritos before training from then on.

The End

“According to the International Shark Attack File (yes there really is such a thing), between 1958 and 2016 there were 2,785 confirmed unprovoked shark attacks around the world, of which 439 were fatal. In 2000, there were 79 shark attacks reported worldwide, 11 of them fatal (another words, mom’s your kids are pretty damn safe in the water)”

Source: Dr. Knowitall

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