Navy Ship in Phoenix? Sadly, this is a true story of a night we flew to Phoenix and decided to have chicken wings at Hooters near Arizona State University. The wings were good, the views even better, but the conversation was a bit weird, and sadly played into a common stereotype about Blondes. Not quite sure how or why she thought a Navy ship could sail to Phoenix, but perhaps she flunked geography?

Navy Ship in Phoenix?

It was a warm evening in Phoenix, and our Navy crew had decided to indulge in some well-deserved chicken wings at Hooters near Arizona State University. After weeks at sea and hours in the air, we figured we’d earned a little fun. The wings were spicy, the atmosphere lively, and the views… well, let’s just say they rivaled the sunsets back at the base.

As we sat there enjoying our meal, a perky blonde waitress approached, balancing a tray of drinks like a pro. She smiled, asking in the kind of bubbly tone that made us all sit up straighter, “So, you guys are in the Navy? That’s so cool! Where’s your ship docked?”

We all exchanged amused glances. I could see Jones already smirking, trying to hold back a chuckle.

“Well,” I said, leaning back and taking a swig of my beer, “right now, we’re stationed in San Diego.”

She tilted her head, furrowing her brow in confusion. “Oh, I thought you sailed it here to Phoenix.”

Dead silence. I mean, the kind of silence that makes you question if you’ve just heard someone mispronounce “cat” as “giraffe.” I glanced at my buddies, all of us trying to determine if she was joking or if we had somehow walked into an alternate universe where Arizona had magically sprouted an ocean.

Jones, of course, couldn’t resist. “Oh yeah,” he said, putting on his best serious face. “We sailed it up the Salt River. Had to navigate through some tricky rapids, but our captain’s a pro.”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Wow, that sounds hard! I’ve never even seen a ship up close before.”

At this point, we were all desperately trying not to laugh, biting our tongues to the point of pain. But she wasn’t done.

“So, how do you get a ship that big to fit in the canals? I always wondered if they’re, like, flexible or something.”

“Totally,” I added, playing along. “You just fold the ship in half. Takes a bit of muscle, but the Navy trains us for that.”

She nodded again, completely buying into our nonsense. “That’s so amazing! I should go check it out. Where do you park it?”

“Right next to the cactus,” Jones said, unable to stop himself. “It blends right in with the desert.”

The rest of us couldn’t hold it any longer. We burst into laughter so loud half the restaurant turned to stare at us. Our poor waitress, bless her heart, still didn’t quite get what was so funny.

“I’ll bring you guys more wings,” she said, probably assuming we were just crazy Navy guys.

As she walked away, Jones leaned over, wiping tears from his eyes. “Man, Phoenix sure is full of surprises. Who knew we’d get oceanfront property right here in the desert?”

And just like that, the legend of the U.S.S. Cactus was born.

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